Elements of Another Person

Missing Medicine

2011-04-07T22:11:00.000-04:00

Missing someone is like this terrible drug which you are forced to swallow and yet it never makes you feel any better. Instead you have this lump in the back of your throat from when the pill went down the wrong pipe. Its also interesting how missing someone can change over time, just like taking medicine. Sometimes you take the drug and the pain leaves with a bit of time. In other instances, even the strongest of medicines will never cure you of the pain residing within.

Goodbye 2010

2010-12-21T02:23:00.003-05:00

I can't believe 2010 is coming to a close. Its Christmas in three days. I'm not in the Christmas spirit. I'm not even meaning to be Grinchy, I just feel more consumed by the though of the new year.

This year seemed to go by so quickly and so slowly at the same time. I turned twenty. I know everyone thinks its not that big of a deal but it meant something big to me. I think turning twenty helped me to realize what I really want in life. I really want to be happy. In all honesty I have known that for a long time. I just think that turning twenty reinforced that even more.

Transitioning into adulthood (even though I still live at home where my mom takes care of me) has helped me realize that being happy with myself and my decisions is what really matters in life. I don't mean to be selfish but I have realized that for anyone else to be happy around me or for things to be positive in my life I need to find contentment.

I want a job that I like going to. I want to surround myself with people who make me happy and whom I make happy in return. I want to engage in positive activities and love people for who they are and not for who I wish they could be.

I'm going to take time to work on these things because I know they take time. I'm just looking forward to ringing in 2011.

Change

2010-11-09T15:33:00.003-05:00

I've been spending time in places where I always used to run into you. I'm feeling kind of lonely lately. Its weird too, because I have all of these great people around. Maybe I'm feeling alone because I'm reminiscing about the past. All of these surroundings are reminding me of the fun we had together and the days I knew I would run into you. I miss your smile and the way you would laugh at my jokes. I miss the fact that you were always right where I knew you would be. The worst thing about it all is that I miss the way you used to be. You're such a different person to me now.

I can't say I would like things to be the same. I also can't say I would like them to go back to the way they were. Its just not all that fun looking back on something and remembering how great it was; especially when you know things can and never will be the same.

Imagination

2010-10-31T11:25:00.002-04:00

"Don't let the imaginary person in your head keep you from loving the person right in front of you."

I think its time I throw all of my misconceptions out the window and embrace the truth. I'm just afraid of breaking something that doesn't need to be fixed.

Sign

2010-10-25T00:34:00.003-04:00

I think I'm beginning to realize that even if things don't go the way I hope they will everything is going to be okay anyway. As much as I would like for things to change between us I am also quite content with the way they are now. I'm not too sure why. If I want things to change, one would think I would be unhappy in this current state, but that's not the case whatsoever.

I constantly find myself thinking of our future but I'm so wrapped up in the present. Maybe one of the best things about this situation is that the more you're the around, the better things seem to be. I'm so fearful of pushing you away.

I feel like such a hypocrite, you see. I'm always the girl who tells people to go after what they want. Its so hard to take your own advice. I'm not saying I'm never going to take the chance, I just need to be ready to take the chance. I hope I capitalize on it before it passes me by.

I guess the best thing is this is a win win situation, because I know I will never lose you.

Please just give me some kind of a sign.

Spark

2010-09-17T14:41:00.003-04:00

There is something about this time of year that makes me so anxious. I remember it like it was yesterday. There you stood. And I could not help but to be fascinated by you. Eventually this fascination lead to a spark. The spark was triggered in my mind, my heart and my soul.

At this moment in time the spark is out. Its a tad disappointing but its also the way its meant to be. I think the thing that I have the most difficulty grasping is why I sometimes miss you after everything I have faced.

Thought Proces

2010-08-31T20:49:00.002-04:00

I'm wondering if all of this thinking is ever going to do me any good. Interesting how I am so consumed by ideas that I am thinking about thinking. I need to give myself a break.

Not too much has been going on with me lately. One of my best friends returned from working with a community of children in Africa recently. When he came home I felt missed, as well as insignificant for focusing on work this summer. I am proud that someone I call my friend was involved in something so important such as the selfless act of caring for children.

I have also been contemplating my feelings towards another important person in my life. Its always a wake-up call when the way you think or feel about someone significantly changes. This is not to say my thoughts about this person have changed for the worse, or for the better; however, I am curious to see how my mind chooses to navigate this new mess in which I have entangled my mind into. In this case my mind is like a spider web, a place to capture my thoughts and hold them hostage within my mind. Let's just say this person is very important to me and I need to think about how I want our relationship to evolve.

My most sincere hope is that all of this thinking will bring some good. After all, what it life without the divine chaos that is a marvelous though process?

People

2010-08-08T17:44:00.003-04:00

In a way it makes me a little sad reading these posts and feeling a lack of inspiration as of late. I'm constantly pondering life's processes but sometimes words are unable to express the whirl wind of the mind. Not too much has happen in the last few months, but at the same time I have had some experiences which are worth reminiscing upon.

People have bee coming and going from my life recently. A close friend of mine is in Africa at the moment. The other day he sent me an email explaining that where he is one in four people have AIDS. I'm not sure whether or not I should be shocked by this statistic or not but I am. Its tough to believe that for the last few months I have been complaining that I need to get out of bed every week day at 5am to go to work, when individuals in another society are worried about survival. Its hard to imagine what they are going through. Its also hard to imagine what its like for my friend to be there, and not have as much power as I'm sure he wishes he could posses.

Alternatively, another individual entered my life once again. He; however, is gone once again and I have been thinking a bit about that too. I think its the best that this person is gone but its never easy saying goodbye to someone who doesn't want to let go.

Of course, there are also some people who I have not seen for long periods of time, which has left me to analyze the meaning of our relationships. Sometimes after not seeing someone, you build up a concept of how you remember them to be. Most of these thoughts remain to be positive. I'm just hoping I'm not setting myself up for a let down.

Memory Lane

2010-06-09T20:02:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I took a trip down memory lane. I drove by this place that once meant something. Perhaps this is the wrong phrase- it still means something; however, the meaning of this place in time has changed for me. I remember this place fondly. Something so simple and quaint occurred. The moment, the place, was dedicated to an event which resides in my memory. Its serenity rang a bell in my heart. And then the feeling hit me. I began to miss the simplicity of how things were in the beginning. Our thoughts were based around the future, but never in a stressful way.

I can't say I want to go back to that place or return to the moment. But being reminded of it freed me in some way. It made me remember how things were good for a while. Its not even that things are terrible now, they're just different that's all.

I hope that soon again I will be encapsulated by the simplicity and the beauty of a moment that will take a different place in my memory bank.

Always

2010-06-02T21:17:00.002-04:00

The possibility seems so far out of reach. And yet, for one reason or another, I can't see myself letting go. Its this indescribable gut feeling. Whenever you come around there is a sense of calm and I know that anything that happens between us will never ruin what we have. I miss you, its been too long.

Notion

2010-05-30T10:01:00.003-04:00

A person who I just met the other day opened my mind to some possibilities. In today's society it is difficult to believe in love. In one way or another love seems like a giant notion. It could be because the divorce rate is growing annually or because the media has molded love to be so trivial. After having this day long discussion with this somewhat stranger, my eyes were opened to the possibilities of love. I'm not sure if I will ever find love or if this stranger will find what he once had; however, there is no sense on hoping love is more then a notion after all.

Growing

2010-05-22T21:52:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking about how in a few short months I will be turning twenty. Time seems to have passed so quickly. It seems like yesterday I had the bad hair cut and my best friend was the boy next door. Its good to think that my hair has since grown longer and sad to think my once best friend now seems like a distant stranger. I miss my childhood. I miss the days of going swimming at my grandma's pool and playing at recess and making chocolate chip pancakes with my mom. I miss the dogs I had when I was young and the freedom and the sense of innocence that almost every child has. On the other hand, I am looking ahead to the future. I'm excited to see what will come to me in my life and what I make of my opportunities. I want to find out what makes me happy and who will always be there for me when I need them most. Its scary to think these things are approaching so soon. I think the most important thing of all is that I am doing my best to live in the present and I am happy with the decisions I have made in my life. Looking forward to more good things to come.

Friend

2010-05-01T11:53:00.005-04:00

Two plane tickets home and I could not be more content. The simplicity that other people can bring to you is incredible. Friends have the best way of reminding you why you love them and why you need them. I have some of the best friends. And even though they are gone for most of the year, when they're back its like things never changed. In my mind that's the best kind of friend one can have.

Worn Out

2010-04-18T22:35:00.003-04:00

Maybe its the time of year, or the fact that the weather isn't as nice as I would like it to be. It could be that you're so far away and as soon as you come back, you'll turn around and leave again. Maybe its because I'm being bombarded by people who have not once required my attention until this very moment. All I have to say is this time of year is starting to wear me down. I can't wait for you to be here again and for the sun to be shining until late in the evening and lots of summer ice cream.

Still

2010-04-12T18:41:00.008-04:00

I heard a song that reminded me of you today. And not in the way which I have been remembering you lately, but in a way that made me think of everything good we had. That's not to say I wasn't remembering you fondly; however, I have reasons to be distracted from certain positive thoughts. Some days I miss you more then others. And I don't know if I actually miss you or If I miss what we had, as the lines are easily blurred between the two. It seems like you're happy now, and I guess that's all that matters. I hope that someday I can be in the same place as you. I also hope you can forgive me for any misfortunes I have caused you, and that you, too, can think of some of the misfortunes have you caused me. I hope we can let them go. And even if I don't learn from these positive times and these misfortunes, I can listen to this song and think of you fondly and all that we used to have.

Walking the Line

2010-03-31T00:20:00.005-04:00

The last thing I want is to give you the wrong impression. Unfortunately I feel that's exactly what I'm doing. All of these things you have said to me have got me thinking. I'm not sure how to react and I'm not sure how to not mislead you.

Right now I need to focus on walking the line and that balancing act between comfort and reality.

Dream

2010-03-25T20:34:00.004-04:00

I've been having this recurring dream. Well, I've only had it twice. The event is always the same. But the time and place and other people are always different. The other key person's reaction and actions keep changing too. Its starting to get to me and I'm not too sure what to make of it- especially if the scenario keeps changing...

New Blog

2010-03-23T20:11:00.004-04:00

I recently started another blog. I'm hoping to transfer some posts from this blog to the new one and possibly be blogging on both. The new blog is http://shortworks.tumblr.com/

I hope you will check it out.

Busy Bee

2010-03-21T22:27:00.003-04:00

I've been so busy lately and I feel like its been too long since I could just wake up in the morning and not have to think about going to school or work or meeting this person at this time or paying this much money for this item. I know that I'm an "adult" but all I want is a little "me time."

Really all I want is to wake up in the morning and not have to think about what I'm going to do. I want to wake up and be able to fall back asleep if I'm still tired and eat a nice breakfast maybe while watching cartoons. I want to listen to loud music in my house and not have to worry about getting places on time and finishing all my homework. I want to hang out with my dog and bake a cake and catch up with friends. And I definitely need to exercise. School's almost over, hopefully I can do all of this then.

Outside the Box

2010-03-21T12:49:00.002-04:00

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-colour boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-colour boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-colour box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-colour boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colours of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-colour type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!" - John Mayer

Wave

2010-03-17T20:30:00.005-04:00

Its interesting how something can suddenly appear to be so obvious. Its almost making me sick, the thought that something could work out the way I'm hoping it will. Its funny because a while ago I never would have even thought about this situation and now the idea that it could turn around negatively makes me feel completely lost. I don't know how I would feel but I don't think I would feel good.

It just feels so real- like this huge wave crashing over my mind and my heart, leaving me soaking wet. And instead of just drying off, I keep being hit by the wave and being reminded of this feeling. Its not even a bad thing. Its just overwhelming not knowing if I'm going to get off the beach onto dry land or if the wave is going carry me out into the ocean.

Honest Heart

2010-03-16T19:05:00.007-04:00

All signs point to the truth but I'm still afraid. I think I'm in denial because the last thing I want is for this to be blown out of proportion. I guess all I can say is:say whatever your heart tells you, and please, say it out loud.

Regardless of anything, you're honestly the best.

Step Ouside and Say Hello to My Beautiful World

2010-03-15T21:24:00.004-04:00

I love the feeling after a good workout, the cool breeze on a warm summer day. I love seeing people I haven't seen in a long time. I love coming home after my mom has baked me my favourite kind of cookies. I love seeing the honesty in your eyes. And even though some days go by more quickly then we hoped, at least we had the opportunity to experience a new day. Every day we wake up is a chance for us to live the new day differently then the previous. Everyday is a chance for us to get where we hope to be. Everyday is an opportunity for us to listen to our favourite music, go for walks in the sunshine, and find joy in the simple things. And everyday is a day to love someone even more then you did the day before.

Sometimes things don't go they way we hoped. But that's life. Its this crazy, spectacular journey which brings out our imperfections, our beauty and our loveliness. Be the best person you can be, it's all going to work out somehow.

Sink and Float

2010-03-12T22:18:00.005-05:00

I jumped to a conclusion after what you told me. Maybe my stomach sunk because I thought a possibility had faded. I think I'm afraid that it wasn't a possibility fading but that I was having an epiphany I was not ready to have.

The thing is, I've let go of the epiphany. I may be in denial. I think I'm kind of afraid. Maybe denial and fear go hand in hand. I hope that this fear and denial will soon float away, reveal the truth and bring me the simplicity of joy.

Too Often

2010-03-09T17:44:00.004-05:00

Today I did something so small for someone and they made it seem like it was the best. And maybe it was, but all I wanted was for them to be happy. Apparently it worked. I need to start doing nice things for people more often, its surprisingly fulfilling.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn life around."

- Leo Buscaglia

Sparks of Suspicion

2010-03-08T23:54:00.007-05:00

People always seem to be so suspicious. They have the right to be. They should be. On the other hand, its always aggravating when people become suspicious over something so innocent and simple. Just when you think something is harmless people have the ability to turn it into something you never saw it to be. Of course, that always gets you thinking.

Maybe this will spark something new and fulfill these suspicions but I still have my doubts.

Live

2010-03-05T15:01:00.006-05:00

Right now I feel like I'm in this place in my life where all I can be is who I am, whoever that is. Sometimes I'm lost, emotional, irrational, and irritated. But I've been trying to be joyful, reasonable, and selfless. This is not to say its easy, but I'm trying to understand that you are your state of mind.

One of my favourite movies is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Below is a message from the movie; I think I need to remind myself of this message more often.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Paranoid

2010-03-04T22:30:00.007-05:00

I feel like you read my mind. Or maybe I'm just not being subtle enough. Honestly, I feel like I have nothing to be subtle about. And now, I'm going to become paranoid about something I have no reason to be paranoid about.

Baby, don't worry about it,
Lady don't even think about it,
You worry about the wrong things, the wrong things.

Marevlous Truths

2010-03-04T00:21:00.005-05:00

You're honestly the coolest. Thanks for your marvelous truths. You made my day.

Can't Shake This

2010-02-28T01:42:00.005-05:00

I can't seem to shake this, whatever it is. Its funny too. Because I was the one who let it go and yet I'm the one reminiscing. Maybe I thought you wouldn't forget this easily. Maybe you haven't and right now its all some facade but it really doesn't seem that way.

Maybe, just maybe, someday, I will forget this, all of it. That just doesn't seem possible.

The Best

2010-02-27T19:06:00.003-05:00

Apparently its easy to forget things. I have a good memory but there will most likely be a day when I forget my childhood best friend's home phone number or the name of my fourth grade teacher or how I was so stupid and got the worst sun burn that one summer.

On the other hand, I can almost guarantee I will never forget you and all of the little things you have done for me. I will never forget you saving my life on university's worst assignment in the history of the world, dancing with you at the pub, having you insist I buy the most ridiculous vehicles of transportation or receiving drunken phone calls from you both the night of and the afternoon after the event that I just had to be at.

And even though you probably have no idea how much all of these things matter to me, I can never see them fading from my memory. You really are the best.

After All

2010-02-26T22:20:00.003-05:00

I started to miss you today.

And the more I thought about it I realized maybe I didn't miss you, but what we had. I do miss what we had, I won't deny that. But there still is a little part of me that misses you even after everything that's happen.

Foolish

2010-02-22T16:09:00.007-05:00

Have you changed or was I blind from the start? Its hard to believe we had something honest considering the current result. I'd like to hope I'm not foolish.

What If?

2010-02-20T12:12:00.005-05:00

There is something intangible about this moment which feels like its in reach but I'm blinded by my own emotion which is making it seem further away then it is. When you stepped into my reality I was blind towards what was coming. Now, after the way this whole situation has turned out, I feel even more blind then I did in the beginning. I'm feeling something I've never felt. Its this indescribable mix of emotions penetrating my entire being.

At the end of the day, the most challenging part is that it all comes down to two simple words... what if?

I Just Love You

2010-02-18T11:09:00.003-05:00

Going on adventures, baking cookies, reading Post Secret, drinking tea, dancing to Sandstorm, Skyping, laughing until we cry, crying until we laugh and hearing the right thing at the right time...

Thanks for being my best friend.

Lost In Translation

2010-02-17T00:27:00.004-05:00

I've always been one for honesty. I've also always been one for treating people the way I like to be treated. But let's face it, some people are liars and some people are selfish.

Maybe I'm naive but I always feel like its a slap in the face when someone I thought I knew shows me a side of them I fail to recognize and I end up lost in translation.

And even though this time I may have speculated this outcome, it doesn't make it any less painful.

Distant Stranger

2010-02-15T01:15:00.004-05:00

You're so distant now. And I can't help but wonder if over time your gap has increased, or if you were never by my side from beginning. I'd like to think you were, but with the way things are now, that's hard to believe.

There's a possibility I feel this way because I was in such a vulnerable state. I opened myself to you, and closed myself off too. Its possible that it is in fact I who has become more distant, it just doesn't feel that way.

You seem like a stranger. And even though I may have set myself up for this I feel like no one should merit the deprivation I feel at this very moment.

Fire

2010-02-10T23:05:00.004-05:00

There's this air of mystery that has been stirring around in my soul. I'm at this point right now where all I can do is question everything. I'm constantly questioning my own actions and actions of others. I'm questioning my brain, my subconscious and my heart.

I know that kindness isn't a notion. I know that love isn't a notion either. None of these things I feel surrounded by are notions at all; they're realities. The issue is that I have been looking at these realities like rain. You can't build a fire in the rain, and right now I need a spark.

I know I'll find a way to turn this around and build my fire over time. Maybe I will find what my heart wants. Maybe one day I will find the activity my brain craves. Or maybe these are simple elements which will only act as kindling to my fire.

I've Got You

2010-02-05T17:30:00.005-05:00

Maybe in the midst of it all lays something that will propel us forward into something exquisite. This situation, this moment, is unexplainable. You're brilliant, I hope you know it. I can see why you're confused,I am too, in my own little way. But you've got me, and I've got you, so I guess we're doing alright.

Don't worry, about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright.

Elsewhere

2010-02-04T00:00:00.003-05:00

There is no way of knowing where you are at this point in time but you should know you are greatly missed. Its sad that you have been elsewhere for so long. I may never see you and that would be quite a shame. Wherever you are I want to thank you. You have helped to mold my soul and shape my heart. Your radiance is honest and your love is like no other.

I wish you were here.

Reasons Sleep Can Be Limited

2010-02-03T00:30:00.005-05:00

Your mind is racing.
You're speaking with someone in a different time zone.
You have just exercised which left you energized.
You have consumed too much caffeine.
You completed watching a horror film and you're too afraid to sleep.
You feel sick.
You miss someone too much.
You want to enjoy the stillness of your home.
You're emotional.
You're consumed by a book, a movie, a television show or the Internet.
Your mind is still racing.

If only I could be one of those individuals who falls asleep as soon as their head hits their pillow...

Perspective

2010-02-02T20:50:00.004-05:00

I'd like to walk in your shoes just to look at things through your perspective. I would like to understand what gets you out of bed in the morning, why you do the things you do, and what makes you tick. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I will never have the experience of seeing things from your point of view. And I may not understand your decisions or your reasons or your choices but maybe these decisions and reasons and choices will help me piece together my own perspective on this whole situation.

I've been telling myself that instead of being selfish I need to be selfless. I would also like to become more brave even if it brings difficulties to my path. Maybe trying to understand your perspective will allow me to do so.

I feel as though this selflessness will act like a pair of glasses and clarify and enhance my vision.
Maybe trying to see things from your point of view will act as spectacles too; maybe it will clear my vision or maybe it will make my vision more blurry and will make me more disconnected from you then I ever was to begin with. All I can do is try the glasses on.

Robbery

2010-02-01T17:23:00.004-05:00

In a way I feel as though I am being robbed. I'm not sure if I feel like I am being robbed of something that was once mine or robbing myself of something unexplainable. Its such a weird experience. And I can't make up my mind of how to act or how to feel. In my mind I'm feeling a way that I shouldn't be feeling. Maybe its just my subconscious telling me something I should have thought about a long time ago.

Somewhere

2010-01-29T12:44:00.003-05:00

I know you're out there somewhere.
I look forward to our meeting someday.

Facade

2010-01-28T15:46:00.006-05:00

I'm currently experiencing an emotion which is unreasonable. Maybe unreasonable isn't the word but that's what it feels like. Maybe this thing is a mixture of selfishness. No one likes to admit that they are selfish. I'm not being selfish, I'm not intending to be selfish, but other then this unreasonableness, I am experiencing something that feels comparable to selfishness.

The thing is, no one involved in this situation knows this is how I feel. Maybe I'm putting on a facade, but I think its for a good reason. After all, this facade is meant to disguise this feeling of unreasonableness and selfishness.

The other thing is that even if I were to remove this mask or let go of this facade, people may actually understand this emotion. I guess my fear is that they will not understand and they will simply think I am being unreasonable and selfish. I'm not sure why this is my fear. I guess I have the fear of being vulnerable. Then again, who doesn't fear vulnerability?

Two Way Street

2010-01-27T17:28:00.004-05:00

I didn't think this is how it would end up.
I was under the impression friendship was a two way street.

Reminder

2010-01-26T23:48:00.005-05:00

You have the most simple ways of bringing light to my day. I often forget why I need you but you have the best ways of reminding me why I'll never be able to let you go.

Abstract Dream

2010-01-25T20:40:00.003-05:00

I haven't had much inspiration as of late, which kind of sucks when you think of yourself as a writer. I mean, I like to write. I have the ability to write. I choose to write, therefore I must be a writer.

I've had this abstract dream as of late. My mom mentioned the building of a Tree House Village in Costa Rica and said maybe I could move there and start a career as a writer. Apparently there is wireless, high speed Internet in these homes. And think of the view, and the serenity. The occasional bird may be singing at my window causing distraction from me placing my ideas onto paper but the whole idea seems intensely exceptional.

Who knows, maybe someday I will be up in my Costa Rican Tree House writing something just for you.

Heart

2010-01-20T23:25:00.004-05:00

Remember that organ, the one found in your left chest cavity? I'm wondering what it means for most people. Love doesn't fix everything. Being caring doesn't fix everything. Maybe it helps; that's all I'm hoping for.

Bottled Energy

2010-01-19T22:14:00.003-05:00

Its curious how individuals constantly bottle up all of this energy within themselves and eventually explode...

This energy has the power to be positive and negative and explosively send the bottle cap shooting in another direction or slowly be unfastened by its holder and poured into another means of containment. Maybe it would be easier to let the juices constantly flow. On the other hand, this, too, can cause negative results. Perhaps the question is how can one fill their bottle and let it drain, too?

Simple Poem

2010-01-18T21:17:00.004-05:00

Don't let the situation get you down
Eventually it will all turn around
The sun will shine
It may take time
Just believe in your beauty
Peace will entail
At the end of it all you will find your ale

If

2010-01-16T11:09:00.020-05:00

"IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"

-Rudyard Kipling

Special thanks to a good friend of mine who read me this poem at a time when I needed to hear it most.

Break Beyond the Barricade

2010-01-15T09:48:00.002-05:00

Its strange how a complex situation has the power to turn itself around and seem simple when in its entirety its still just as complicated as it was in the beginning. When something seems complex, the right thing to do is make it simple, turn it around in your favor, cut out the none sense. I feel its necessary to tell things the way they are but sometimes revealing the truth doesn't make a situation any less complicated.

Perhaps the ability to make a decision changes the way the situation ends up. In my mind there are constant barriers blocking specific situations. I need to find the boldness to break down the barricades and do myself a favor by making things less complicated and communicating with myself.

I'm not exactly sure how to do it. I need to let it go and be set free.

Respect

2010-01-12T20:18:00.004-05:00

I'm questioning if my mother was the only person on the planet who taught her children from the time they had any sense of what a relationship was that you should treat others the way you wish to be treated. It never fails to amaze me how so many adults struggle to think of someone else other than themselves for a split second.

Comparisons

2010-01-11T21:31:00.003-05:00

Black or white. Right or wrong. Blond or brunette. It is evident that our daily lives and decisions often revolve around comparison. Whether or not you admit it, you constantly compare people, food, music, literature, and societies. Its curious really. Recently I have been entertained by the fact of comparison; the comparison of feelings.

Comparison of feelings is the most complicated form of comparison because its impossible to compare our sentiments with that of another individual. As much as I would sometimes like to feel others emotions, its not going to happen.

At this point in my life I am being faced with a decision which is solely based on feeling. Although it can be backed up by logic and thoughts, this type of decision is best made using one's emotional senses.

I find myself continually frustrated with this situation not only because I'm not sure what I want but because I am constantly trying to compare my experiences and emotions to that of others. The question is what good can come from this? What good comes from comparing one person to another? Do we appreciate certain characteristics more? What comes from comparing certain foods to one another? To decide which is more tasty or which is more healthy? And honestly, what good comes from comparing our emotions? Does it help us decide who, what and which things make us most content at the end of the day? If this is the case, bring on the comparisons. Right now, however I feel as though these comparisons are only leading to more confusion.

Wandering

2010-01-08T15:33:00.003-05:00

I feel like people are on this constant mission to obtain something they're not even remotely sure exists. I often find myself questioning how my life would be if I forgot the possibility of what my purpose is or if I will ever accomplish what it is I think I want for the future. Every morning, one has the opportunity to get out of bed and go after what they want, and people continually fail to do so. I'm not sure what I want. I'm not sure if I want to be married. I'm not sure what profession I want in the future. I'm not even sure what kind of dog I want to great me at the door upon the arrival to my home.

Too often we contain ourselves in certain environments to define ourselves. We define ourselves by our age, our gender, our nationality, our race, our religion, our economic situation, our jobs, our societies, etc. I'm not trying to say this is always negative, but maybe we should forget it all for a minute and try to figure out what's important.

Its kind of an impossible thing. Its just easy to be overwhelmed in a place like the world we live in. I don't want to form an impression that everyone is ungrateful, or arrogant or lost. But sometimes all one can do is wander and try to figure it all out, if there is a way to figure it out. I don't think I will ever be able to answer this question.

True to You

2010-01-06T23:47:00.005-05:00

Simplicity is the way to go. I will never understand the mind games people insist on playing. So often our minds and emotions fall victim of the other players' previous moves, making a checkmate scenario unavoidable. Its almost as though they are trying to force you into a situation where you are the one being upfront and honest and they are blocking themselves behind a barrier of tricks, and distorted realities. At the end of the day, you look like the bad guy for telling things the way they are, when the other person is blinded by their own facade. So what is it? Are people afraid of the truth? The truth can be miserable. The truth is also entirely beautiful. It is the way one goes about admitting his truths which makes a world of difference.

One can continually hide themselves and their truths from others but at the end of the day you are cheating yourself. Accept reality, face your fear of honesty, be straightforward, be kind, and be true to you.

Key to Everything

2010-01-04T20:06:00.006-05:00

Lately I have been contemplating decisions, wondering about the future, missing people who are away, questioning others decisions, trying to avoid deep thought processes leading to stress, and pondering life's processes. Maybe all of this time I should have been appreciating what I have and not worrying about what comes next, however,sometimes clearing one's mind is more difficult then it seems.

Maybe in reality having the key to everything is the worst possible outcome. Maybe all the decisions being contemplated are meant to be thought out. Maybe its healthy to be curious about the future. Maybe missing people who are away leads to loving them more once they return. Maybe questioning others decisions helps us make good decisions for ourselves. Maybe sometimes thoughts are better off as simple. And maybe, just maybe, pondering life's processes is what should spend our time doing. Nothing in life is sure, but at the end of the day maybe the key to everything is a nightmare. Maybe there is no key at all. To be honest, I hope there is a key to something, who wants to be locked up all the time anyway?

Welcome, 2010

2010-01-02T11:27:00.003-05:00

Welcome, 2010. How about some words of wisdom for the coming year.

XXXIII

He who knows others is clever;
He who knows himself has discernment.
He who overcomes others has force;
He who overcomes himself is strong.
He who knows contentment is rich;
He who preserves is a man of purpose.
He who does not lose his station will endure;
He who lives out his day has a long life.

Loa Tzu
Toa Te Ching

In Your Element

2009-12-31T00:58:00.002-05:00

There has to be something said about being in your element. Tonight, I was far from being in mine but I was surrounded by individuals fueled with energy, optimism and endless emotion. Every once in a while I would catch their eye and reflected within their soul was a sense of belonging and prosperity. Its not often you witness someone so deep in their element that you realize their creative genius is overflowing and pouring out of their every ounce of being. Its so refreshing.

The best part is, they have no clue how spectacular it is to be witnessed doing their own thing.

2009-12-28T00:26:00.007-05:00

I'm not sure whether things will work out. I don't even know how to shape the situation so that things could work out in both of our favors. I could blink and this could become a cold, distant memory or I could open my eyes and feel an incomparable easiness. Who knows what comes next.

Maybe one day it will all make sense.

Worlds

2009-12-23T22:33:00.006-05:00

I couldn't agree more. Maybe if I could figure some of these worlds my world would make a lot more sense. I can't figure myself out half the time let alone anyone else.

Patience

2009-12-21T16:34:00.003-05:00

Maybe there is no better advice then this. I think its exactly what we need right now. I'm sure we'll figure it out, it just may not be easy.

Reach Out

2009-12-18T13:09:00.005-05:00

I hate knowing that I could reach out to you and you wouldn't even move your hand from its current place to reach back. My own actions lead to this consequence. Its just difficult knowing things may never change.

Doubt

2009-12-16T13:29:00.004-05:00

The reality of all of those moments are only faint memories now. Your voice resides in my mind as your heart is fleeing from mine. Even though I was the one to make the decision it doesn't mean it was an easy one. You're around, but you're further then you have ever been. I never doubted you. I only doubted myself. I think that self-doubt can turn into something so uncomfortable that it buries itself deep within you, and not even the biggest shovel could dig it out.

And you tell me I never gave myself a chance to discuss this doubt with myself or with you. And maybe you're right. But at the same time this doubt never meant to cause what it has flourished into. Half the time I can't distinguish my own thoughts from one another let alone what I am doubting and what I am not. You have every reason to react the way you are, but just know that my heart still holds a place for you, and I miss you more and more every day.

Oz

2009-12-15T11:48:00.005-05:00

I think I need to take a journey to Oz. I need to be given strength by some magical wizard. The last couple of days have left me feeling heartless, brainless and non courageous. Its not even that anyone has robbed me of this but I have lost them along the journey I am currently taking. I know that they reside within me but I'm in such a state that I feel they have vacated me completely. So whether its a trip to Oz or tapping my red sequined shoes to return to the place of feeling at home, I need something to get me out of this sate of mind, heart, and soul.

Honesty

2009-12-14T21:24:00.004-05:00

Today I was honest and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I never knew trying to do something that will end up being for the better could penetrate your soul and cut you up into a million tiny little pieces leaving your hopes shattered. Today, I was honest, and truthfully it really did hurt.

Exhaustion

2009-12-13T20:03:00.005-05:00

I honestly don't even know how to feel anymore. All I can do is sit here and question everything and think. And I'm so tired. I'm tried of thinking. I'm tired of feeling like I can never give you what you need. I'm tired of feeling like the person I need most is never going to relate me me the way I hope they will. I'm tired of seeing you being treated like crap when you deserve the best. I'm also tired of you missing someone who may or may not miss you in return.

And its not even like I can tell you what I want or need to come from this. All that I know is that I'm sick of the way things are playing out.

Original

2009-12-08T19:22:00.004-05:00

You know that thing when you compare your life events to that of another? Or you ask yourself if you're doing something the right way? I've had this mentality as of late. And, to be honest, I'm so sick of it. Its not even that I care what other people think. There's just something good in knowing that you're not the only one who feels the way you feel. But, at the end of the day, its still important to make your own decisions, follow your gut, and know that you're doing the best you can. I wish that it were as easy as it seems.

Wisdom and Soul

2009-12-07T11:10:00.006-05:00

For the life of me I can't figure out what this means. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it normal? Is it abnormal?

To others its not a big deal, but to me these are all vital questions. Maybe its scary because its the beginning. Maybe its stressful because I don't know what's next. For all I know, when its all said and done, you could walk away leaving me broken.

Maybe that's what this is all about. The fact that this trust can be taken away just like that.

I'm kind of counting on truth and time to tell all.

New Beginning

2009-12-04T20:00:00.007-05:00

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this. Its strange getting used to something this new. Knowing me, I'm over analyzing the entire situation. I need to be sure not to ruin it.

Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.

Perplexed Notion

2009-12-03T01:34:00.004-05:00

This whole notion of people thinking I'm going to be angry is silly. People often say "There is something I need to say to you but please don't be upset." First of all, that's not a promise I can make. Secondly, am I that much of an awful person that I would become so upset over something that at the end of the day isn't all that important? Everything is important, but just because you're breaking some news to me doesn't mean its the end of the world. This whole idea that people think I will be upset is making me perplexed. I know that I'm a serious person but maybe people take my seriousness too seriously.

I guess I just need to be more laid back. Then again, so do others.

Oxymoron

2009-12-02T00:30:00.004-05:00

People keep asking me how I feel about a certain situation as if I could describe the feeling simply. They ask if I'm happy, or relieved, or nervous. Maybe its a combination or maybe its the fact that I'm glad things are changing while staying the same. This is an oxymoron, I get it, but its what I'm counting on. I know that things will somehow change, its inevitable. All that's important to me right now is that you keep your promises and don't start acting all weird on me. After all, that would just be a major disappointment.

Can't Let Go

2009-11-26T22:22:00.005-05:00

I'm starting to think that maybe its not so much about the occurrence of an epiphany but the idea of letting go of any questions. Its not about whether or not its right or wrong, but whether it makes you happy and your hope is that things will only go uphill from where you are.

I don't think I'm ready to let it go.

Risk and Reward

2009-11-24T19:30:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure I know how to make this kind of decision. Some people say there is a moment when you should know. Others say there is a reason you should know. Some individuals state that doubt means don't and others say you never know until you try. Unfortunately none of these answers are helpful at the moment. I'm kind of counting on an epiphany.

The Best Things

2009-11-23T18:55:00.006-05:00

Having a Skype date with your best friend who lives across the country.
Sleeping in your own bed after you have been away from home.
Being the first person to use a new jar of peanut butter.
Receiving mail.
Finding something you thought you had lost.
Giving someone a gift 'just because.'
Laughing so hard that you're crying.
Waking up to text messages from friends.
Finding someone who just 'gets' you.
Watching the same movie over and over again and never getting sick of it.
Eating chocolate. Or ice cream. Or chocolate and ice cream. Or chocolate ice cream.
Seeing someone you haven't seen in a very long time.
Hearing a sound that reminds you of someone or something good.
Not caring what other people think.
Feeling beautiful.
Finding somone with a good heart.
Feeling comfortable in a place you've never been.
Having a good night sleep.
When your dog greets you when you come home after a long day.
Reading a new magazine.

Masks

2009-11-22T23:03:00.007-05:00

Maybe we're meant to consider everything. Maybe we're meant to be breakable so that when we are broken we can put the pieces back together. Or if we are shattered into smithereens someone can help to set everything back into place. Maybe the only person who can truly rip us apart is ourselves.

Maybe my heart has several masks and that is why I never know how to identify its true desires. Maybe I am the one injuring myself because of my indecision.
Its so difficult understanding what you really want sometimes.

Love

2009-11-20T16:24:00.004-05:00

We are all better off when we are loved. Fact or fiction?

Fear of the Unknown

2009-11-18T18:54:00.007-05:00

I'm not so sure about this whole "we'll see how things go." I kind of like not knowing exactly what to expect. At the same time its draining. Time is valuable, you know? I know there is an outcome. But what is it?

As much as I would like to think I am only curious, that would be a lie. Right now I have a fear of the unknown. I guess all I really need is the reassurance that no matter how things turn out, everything will be alright.

I Miss You

2009-11-18T00:59:00.005-05:00

In all honesty I wish you were here. I know that if you were here things wouldn't be much different. I would be asking questions and you would be giving vague answers but none of that really matters. I think many people misunderstand you. Half the time I don't even understand you. That's part of what makes you so intriguing. I doubt I will ever figure you out, and I'm starting to think that's okay. But in the stillness of the night when all I can hear is the ticking of a nearby clock all I can think about is how I wish you were home. When your plane lands and you're here again it won't change the fact that you're just going to turn around and leave. And I know that things won't be any different between us- whether that be good or bad. But maybe some day you will understand that my heart aches a little every day that you are away.

Alone in a Crowd

2009-11-15T19:18:00.004-05:00

Today I was in a place of which I have never been. I looked around, took everything in and sat in the room alone. There were people surrounding me, none of which I knew, and it hit me. Sometimes being alone in a room full of strangers is exactly what you need.

Back to You

2009-11-12T19:22:00.004-05:00

The excitement is building. I'm like a child on Christmas Eve eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa Clause. But instead of waking up in the morning and spending time with family and opening gifts, I will get into my car and come to you.

I'm not trying to build up this intense moment in my mind of how it will be when I see you or how you will look or the look on your face. Rather, I am impatiently awaiting a feeling.

This feeling is not necessarily something that can be expressed with simple words. But I know that when I see you, however the moment turns out to be, I will finally be in that place I feel like I haven't been in ages.

Not only will I be tremendously blissful, but I know I will have a sense of security. And, I know that the time I spend with you will not only be spectacular, but you will take me out of my shell and prove to me that everything I have been doubting will not only be okay, but it will all work out for the better. And I know you will devote your energy to my problems. And I know that you will be honest. And most importantly, I know you will let go and enjoy the moment. And I know we will laugh. And maybe we will cry. But the simplicity of spending time with you is all that I care about.

And that is why I love you.

Liberation

2009-11-11T21:09:00.006-05:00

I have learned that it is important to let go in certain moments and just be. There is a certain point when you just feel you need to liberate yourself. Sometimes it can be tough to let go and forget, and sometimes its exactly what you need.

'Who says I can’t be free?
From all of the things that I used to be
Re-write my history
Who says I can’t be free?"

Unbearable Truth

2009-11-10T12:38:00.005-05:00

I never knew what this moment would feel like until it got here. And here it is. I'm basking in it. Its happening. Its like this raw emotion penetrating my entire being. And as I passed you by, I was hoping you would look me in the eye. You didn't. You probably didn't even see me, but that's besides the point.

All I can feel is an emptiness within myself. Its kind of like the feeling that you were here, and everything was fine and dandy, and now I'm simply lost in the idea of you. And I wish you were next to me, but you're not.

I'm still upset about this whole situation, but this feeling of bleakness is so unbearable.

I think my fear has finally caught up to me. I thought things would be simple and in turn they are mind bogglingly complex.

I was in denial. And now its happening. Maybe your heart will find a way to reconsider. I really hope it does. That would make this situation a lot easier.

Maybe things are meant to be complicated right now. I desperately need them to come together. I guess I need to grasp that this is the way it is.

Damn Nova Scotia

2009-11-08T18:30:00.005-05:00

I know you need to be there. Its good you're there actually. Its what you needed and what you still need. Its just hard to accept that when I need you most you're no longer a quick drive away. You're so far away. But you know what I've learned from you being gone? Even though you're not at your house on Silver Springs Crescent, you're still at one of your many homes; your home in my heart.

You're Still Here

2009-11-08T04:05:00.009-05:00

I sometimes have doubts about you but you always seem to come around when its most important. Really, that's all that matters anyways.

Reassurance

2009-11-05T21:17:00.004-05:00

I always find it refreshing when you can't make up your mind and the most simple thing changes your perspective. I love a hint of reassurance every once in a while.

Its the Simple Things in Life We Forget

2009-11-03T08:48:00.006-05:00

Today has been a good day so far. I love waking up to sunshine coming in my window and not being forced out of bed by an alarm clock. I never realized how waking up in the morning and just taking a minute to rest for one last second and experience your surroundings can be so important. Half the time I forget to think about how great I have it. Its the simple things in life we forget. Today I will try and remember how simplicity can bring joy. What makes your life simply wonderful?

"It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for what's right in front of your face
But you can't see it."

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

2009-11-02T17:38:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure how I should be feeling about this whole situation. I mean, I'm suppose to be happy, but I'm a little confused. I thought this was suppose to be easy but somehow it always has a way of becoming more complex.

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I don't want it to be a question of this or that, right or wrong, but at this point I feel its going to end up that way. I mean, how can I even distinguish what the right choice is, when I feel like there shouldn't be a choice, period.

I always thought this would be simple. Maybe not. Maybe I'm too simple minded. I don't know.

Come Back to Me

2009-11-01T20:03:00.005-05:00

I know you're here. I go to sleep at night, and you're in the house, in your own bed, fast asleep. But, you're somehow gone. You're not really here. I miss you. I know its not easy for you right now. Its upsetting for me to know how things are such a challenge for you in this moment.

You know I would do anything for you, right? I want you back. I want you to go back to your normal self. I miss the person you were. I know you're still there.

I love you. Come back to me.

D'amour et d'amitié

2009-10-30T13:49:00.003-04:00

J’espère qu’un jour vous réalisez que nous devons être ensemble. J’espère que vous trouvez une place pour moi dans votre cœur.

Self Identification

2009-10-28T11:35:00.008-04:00

Today I had the pleasure of reading a blog post written by someone who is extremely important to me. Not only did the post make me curious but it put me in a deep sense of thought. The question she poses in the post is who are you and what is your purpose? I'd like to say I know but since I'm not 100% sure I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to take a stab at explaining myself.

Taylor is my name, Tay Tay to some, Shorty to others. I love meeting new people and will at most chances take the opportunity to have intriguing conversations with strangers. I am a homebody. I have a serious demeanor, although I mean nothing negative by it. Some may classify me to be little. I'm a female and proud of it. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my sister. I love my brother. I even love my dog even though he often shows me limited signs of affection. I love my friends too. I am afraid of being kidnapped. I clench my teeth when I'm stressed. I am extremely emotional. I worry a lot. I take criticisms seriously. I don't give my heart away easily, I only have one after all. I want a really cool job when I grow up. I think its best to treat others the way you wish to be treated, even if it doesn't always work out in your favor. I can't wait for the day that I travel to Paris. Some people who are really close to me live far away and that's never easy. I wish my grandma was still alive so that I could have met her and so that my dad would have had a great mother like mine for a longer period of his life. I try my best to not judge a book by its cover. I am a terribly picky eater (sorry mom). I can be as stubborn as a mule. I am loyal to those I love. I am extremely determined, and I hope this will get me where I want to go in life, wherever that is.

I'm not sure if any of this means anything, but right now its all I know. My wish is for people take me as I am. This is me. Who are you?

The Magic Mirror

2009-10-26T18:12:00.006-04:00

"It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate, desires of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasly, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge, nor truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible." - Albus Dumbledore on The Mirror of Erised, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

Today, I was listening to an audio book of Harry Potter and I couldn't help but have this section strike me. It would seem so simple to be able to look into a mirror and have the contents of our heart's deepest desires reflect upon us. I often wish that I knew what my heart really wanted but since there is no magical mirror that I know of, I guess I have to leave it up to time to find the answer.

A Forgotten Goal

2009-10-25T18:00:00.004-04:00

I sometimes wonder if all of this hard work will pay off someday. Every morning we get up, go to school, or go to work, work hard, socialize a little, come home, oh we can't forget to eat once in a while, and go to bed. I'm not trying to say I hate this life we have created for ourselves because really I don't hate it at all. I'm just wondering if anything will come from it in the long run.

I'm not sure what the future holds however I do have some ambitions. I think most people do. But there is one thing I feel people often neglect when it comes to their past, present, and future. One specific element which is not tangible, but in my opinion, necessary.

Maybe you're different. Maybe, you don't seek this one thing I find to be important. What I have to say to you is, let go. Let go for one second, and think about how your life would be without this one important element...

"Keep your mind from hate, your mind from worry.
Live simply, expect little, give much.
Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine.
Forget self, think of others. Do as you would be done by.
Its the way to happiness.
Try it for a week and you will be surprised. "
- H.C Mattern

Far, Far Away

2009-10-24T11:39:00.015-04:00

Its never easy when someone you care about leaves your life in some kind of way. Out of no where they seem to just pack their bags and take the red eye out of your life. While they're off flying to a new exciting land, you however, feel stranded on a deserted island. Its like you wake up in this whole other environment where nothing is familiar. There is this sense of yearning deep within your heart because all you really want is for them to come back. And then you look around, and you realize everything is different without them. Something's missing, and all you want is for things to go back to they way they were. The hardest part is realizing that things will always be different even if they do come back because the time that you needed them most, they weren't there for you.

And then there is this other part of you that feels selfish, because really you should be happy for the other person. You feel like its good you weren't standing in their way. And they're out there doing what they need to do, and that's good. And even though you care about them, and you miss them, you know they're out there accomplishing what they need to accomplish. And they're happy, and you're happy for them. And really, all you want is the hope that everything will work out for the best.

I wish you were here. I wish you the best.

Tread Lightly

2009-10-21T19:09:00.007-04:00

I'm not sure how this whole thing came about, but I'm beginning to think its for the best. There was a bit of doubt in my mind that I would do something to mess this up, but I miraculously managed to pull through. I hope things keep going the way they are. You seem to spark a light within me. Is that possible? Hopefully I can keep it together. I would hate to ruin such a good thing.

Illuminate the World

2009-10-19T21:00:00.008-04:00

I'm not sure why you feel the way you do. Trust me, if I could help you, I would. I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry things aren't going the way you hoped they would. Is it impossible to think everything is going to change for the better?

Maybe you could try and see this experience as a glass half full type ordeal rather then one that is half empty. Or maybe you could look at it like a jar full of fireflies. The whole idea of hope and prosperity for the future is like catching a firefly and holding it captive in a jar. You might not be able to catch one right away, but eventually your hard work will pay off. When the night time comes along you will have a jar full of beauty, hope and light. Just try and look at things for the better. I know you are a firefly waiting to shine in the dark.

"What are you going to do?"
"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while. "

You've Got Mail

2009-10-13T10:31:00.007-04:00

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino." - Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) You've Got Mail

Practice Random Kindness

2009-10-12T14:45:00.009-04:00

Isn't it unfortunate how we need opposites as a sense of distinguishing right from wrong, good from bad, and joy from pain. I wish things could just be easy. I wish they could make sense. You know, when you wake up in the morning and you know that everything is going to be alright. You would know that the people in your life were there for good reasons, and not for poor reasons. You would know that people were out there for the good, and you could trust them.

Its sad how life isn't like this. Individuals are cruel, unjust, liars, frauds, thieves, fools, and players. Is it insane to wish that people could just be good, and do good? Isn't that the point of life?

I think that's what I feel we are here for. Not because we were placed here by a higher individual- not to say that is absolutely impossible; but maybe, just maybe, we are meant to be good people. Is that such a crazy thing to think? Is it so impossible that as human beings we are simply expected to be good, do good and feel good.

I want to look for the good in others. I want to see the good in others. As soon as I set out to do this however, I become naive, too kind, oblivious to life.

All I want is to know that there is some good out there. I know there is, I just wish it wasn't so hard to find.

So help me out people. Would it really kill you to do something good for once?

The Unambiguous Result

2009-10-11T22:01:00.001-04:00

If only honesty weren't so painful, and it didn't have the ability to wrench your heart out of your chest. It’s like a contradictory lie, almost like reverse psychology because it has good intentions. Or does it?

If only saying nothing spoke as much as saying something, because that nothing meant so much more then that something. Or did it?

If only confusion could untangle itself from the beautiful mess it has become to reveal the most obvious answer. But that would be too simple.

And, if only, this need for honesty, nothingness, and confusion could result in an unambiguous result.

Wouldn’t that be lovely?